my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
