We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
