I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
is wine microwaveable?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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