last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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