Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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