I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
