I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is classic penis vs brain.
3 2 1 whiskey
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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