My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize