It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
