My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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