is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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