he shaved USA in his pubs
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
