btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
