Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
