I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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