i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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