I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
