Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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