Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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