READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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