You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
