if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize