Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
