I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
