We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
