New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
