And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
