Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
