New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
