i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
