Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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