there's paper in my vomit.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
