I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
