So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
