In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
