we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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