Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my poor anus
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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