Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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