Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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