It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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