I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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