3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
