Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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