it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
