morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
