Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
