Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
