I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
