i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
