I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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