If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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