Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
