he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
