he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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