so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
