Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
