Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
