I feel like abortions should bother me more
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
