I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
