i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We are two peas in an std pod
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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