How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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