he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Someone shit on the floor
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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