so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
