she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
