Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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