I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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