I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
