my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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