how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
