@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
