she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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