How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
