so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
