Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
