Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
