These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
